A Young Mom's Walk of Shame by Jenny Register

A Young Mom’s Walk of Shame

STORY BY JENNY REGISTER

8.2.2014

(Ann Register’s sweet daughter-in-law)

     Just in case any of you have crossed me (JENNY) off your prayer list, let me give you a run down of my day thus far.  Ben (HUSBAND / MY SON) is out for the day hanging with some guys (can't fault him for it, it is needed).  So my friend Rhonda and her teenage daughter signed up to hang with me and the girls for a while.  So Rhonda and her daughter arrive and of course we're not ready.  I leave Audrey (3 ½ MON) with them while I reconfigure the car seats in the van so we could all fit.  I return to find Audrey in all out hysteria.  This doesn't surprise me, She is pretty picky about who holds her and how she is held.  So we load up to take her to my in-laws who have graciously agreed to watch her.  She screams all the way there.

     My gracious friend and her sweet daughter (also named Lauren) repeated assure me they aren't bothered by the ear piercing screams from the back seat.  Uh huh.

     So then we have an uneventful and pleasant drive to TJ Maxx where I feed my kids Nilla Wafers all through the store to survive.  Next stop, Chic-fil-a.

     So we arrive at Chic-fil-a just before noon today, which in case you forgot, it is Saturday.  It's very full, but of course it is their pleasure to serve us quickly and again, lunch goes by smoothly.  Big Lauren (daughter friend) watches my kids in the play area (which of course is full), while Rhonda (adult friend) and I sit and catch up.  Great.

     So then we break for ice cream.  Haven (2 yrs) finishes 1st and wants to go play.  Sure.  After all, I can see the play area clearly from our seat.  Then Lauren (4 yrs) finishes and heads out to play.  I notice she's having a hard time getting the door open, so I go to help her.

     As I'm approaching the door, I notice a pretty woman with 2 kids sitting right beside the play area in a booth.  You know, those booths that are right up on the glass?

     I hear her say, "Ummmm there's poop in the play area."  I think,  "Oh #$%T" because I know Haven is in there.

Back story:  Haven is really ready to potty train, and takes here diaper and pants off whenever she poops b/c she doesn't like poop in her pants.  Unfortunately, her mama can't find the energy to potty train right now.

     So I look through the door to see a poopy diaper on the floor with Haven standing beside it holding her dress up, showing her poop smeared tail to all of Chic-fil-a.  Upon closer examination, I see that there's a whole mess of poop on the floor BESIDE the diaper.

     Then I realize I'm late to this party.  All the children in the play area (at least 200 I'm sure) start chanting, "oooooooooh poo-poo!!!".  Some are frightened and run to tell their mamas (pansies!) and their mama's come to remove them from the horror.

     Meanwhile, I'm standing there trying to figure out what to do.  I keep asking Haven to leave her dress down.  Dern it, I left the wipes in the van.  I motion for Rhonda to please come help, bless her heart.  She goes to ask the folks at the counter for a bag of some sort.

     But oh no, it couldn't stop there.  Three, count them, THREE employees head our way.  I ask them for the materials, and they say no, there's a specific protocol that has to be followed.

     One clears all the kids out of the play area while the other slaps a "PLAY AREA CLOSED" sign on the door while I'm pretty sure every mom in there silently cussed me for ruining her 30 minutes of solace.

     And that's when we began our walk of shame.  ALL THE WAY BACK THROUGH THE RESTAURANT.  As we turned for the door we passed another employee, bless his heart too, who had gloves up to his shoulders, a spray bottle, and towels (I remember a gas mask in my mind, but surely that's not right) headed for the scene.

     We were thinking of moving to Conway, but we were at the only Chic-fil-a in Conway, so that might be off the table at this point.

     So then we load up and head home.  Haven with her sweet (and incredibly loud) voice chants all the way home.  Again, my gracious friend insists it isn't bothering her.  Uh-huh.

     We pick up Audrey who is sweet on the way home.  Thank you my little caboose.

     We walk in and Lauren (oldest-4 yr old) pushes Haven (middle-2 yr old) off the bathroom stool.  I send her to her room.  Rhonda asks to use the bathroom.  She heads down the hall and turns and says, "I'm sorry Jenny."

      I look into Lauren's room and she's squating and peeing on the floor.

Face Book Friends Conversation

MSE-Just dye everyone's hair and you'll be fine. It could've been worse, She could have pooped at the top of the slide, removed her diaper and slid down.

Jenny-Rhonda and Big Lauren (who, incidentally is really skinny fyi), get their purses and head out.  I've got a feeling it took all they had not to run.

Jenny -So now it's all quiet and I'm wondering if it's too early for a drink?

Jenny-Good point Mist.  Give us time, I'm sure it will happen.

MSE-Not at all! If anything, I would say you're late. Bottoms up, friend.

MG-Oh, Jenny!  By do you insist on always being the life of the party!  Haha. Bless you. Can I bring you some alcohol?  NOW?!

Jenny -I wouldn't recommend coming anywhere near my house Meghan....you probably are in the danger zone just living as close as you do!

Jenny -Ya'll, I honestly can't believe my life right now.  It is out of control in so many ways.  Prayers prayers prayers please!

Jenny -You always say just what I want to hear Mist! 

MG-Haven can poop on me anytime!!  And Audrey can spit up on me anytime!  And Lauren can call me poopy diaper face any time-I'm used to it!  Haha

MSE-Oh Jenny, I wish I lived closer. This will all be a blur soon. In the meantime, stock up on Benedryl and wine (or maybe tequila).

MG-At least you have a great story-well told, I might add-to lighten the load.  Some day, you'll laugh & embarrass the crap out of them!  (No pun intended)

Jenny -MG: my child would never use that language.

KS-his story makes me laugh!!!!

ALS-I almost peed on myself when I read this. 25 yrs or so from now you have a story to tell at her wedding rehearsal or graduation or something!! So funny!!

Jenny-I love ya'll!  You know, you have to laugh or you'll cry!

Saturday 10:42pm

AL-Okay first of all.... Im laughing my head off.... second.... pass me the wine I need it from just reading this... LOLOLOLOL I cant imagine this... But hey when a kid needs to poop it needs to poop! I say let the good times roll!!!!!! Get the Poop out!!!!!! And as for as those snoody people... their poop dont stink we all know but I pray they all get bad hemorrhoids!!!!! You know they were telling people later today that there was some trailer trash letting their kids poop every where well I say POOP in a walmart bag and go to their front door and smear it every where I tell ya that right there relieved me before and you can do it too!

23 hours ago

Jenny-I want to officially thank everyone for their outpouring of support. 

15 hours ago

EHR-Just seeing this. Oh Jenny. I love you. Only a really cool mom and person would share this. I admire you so!!!! Just think... one day you will long for these days back... right??? That is what we have to keep telling ourselves.

14 hours ago

C-Oh my word hilar!!!! Seriously Jenny one of my regrets is not taking enough pics and documenting all the craziness in my life when E&A were younger. It's a true blur. My first good memory of Ava is her first birthday! So rage pics! And realize this season is gonna pass then you will be able to tell them all about it and they will think its hilarious!

4 hours ago

Jenny-Thanks girls!  I gotta say, right now it's hard to see it all as picture worthy or anything I will EVER miss.  Good reminders.  We're taking a stab at potty training today....deep breath.

Chat Conversation End

TOO FUNNY!

ann :)